How long?

How long does it take to start over again? Roads in life (in my life, at least) do not seem to go constantly forward. I am so terrified to be alone, to be un-loved... That is why it is hard to move forward. That is why I keep holding on to my own fantasies, dreams and expectations. They are untrue, I can hold on to anyone and right now, anybody would take me back to here, to today, to now... to my scared and insecure self.

I do not want to come back to the starting point anymore. It can be the best guy I run into and, if that were the case, we will wait on each other. I have been here many times (too many); it is time to face what creeps me out, no more excuses... No more men I cannot love.

A couple of tasks I must develop (and I am going to stop saying before I am with someone again) for me, for my happiness, to love myself everyday more.

It takes twenty one days to create a habit and I am going for three. Radical changes requiere radical measures so I am going to begin a boot camp (sort of):

1. I am going to go to bed at 10:00 PM at the latest for two whole months (that means the first weekend of july is going to be a big celebration).

2. I am going to exercise everyday; at least half an hour and eat five times a day.

3. I am going to read everyday at least ten pages.

4. I am going to work everyday at home for one hour.

5. I am going to go on facebook twice a week.

I am going to give myself two months of a chance... a chance to change, to move, forward and to the sides... I know I can be a bigger person. I deserve that opportunity.